Thursday, April 30, 2015

Will the children be exposed to details of the divorce?


Excerpt taken from Steven N. Peskind's book titled, Divorce in Illinois: The Legal Process, Your Rights and What to Expect.

While most parents try to shelter their children from the conflict, some parents use poor judgment. These misguided parents talk to the children about the details of the case or share court documents with them. If this behavior is brought to their attention, judges will usually enter restraining orders restricting either parent from revealing any details to the children. If your spouse is talking to the children about the case or talking negatively about you, speak with your attorney about your options. It might be a good idea to seek court- ordered counseling for the children to try to counter your spouse’s negative behavior.

Parents who share information with the children under the pretense, “I am not going to lie to my children,” are fooling themselves, if not being outright dishonest. There is a difference between lying to the children and being discreet for the sake of their emotional welfare. White lies that protect the children are acceptable and good common sense.

Parents who use their children as confidants also hurt the children. Even though everyone needs a friend and confidante during a difficult period in his or her life, don’t make your child that person. You don’t help your children by placing them in that role. During a period when there is much upheaval for children, they need the guidance and protection of a parent who knows when to say no. And it is much harder to say no to a friend. Don’t give up your parenting responsibilities during this difficult time.

Even if your spouse has mistreated you, it is rare that the disclosure of the mistreatment will in any way benefit the children. The children need a relationship with both of you. They need the security of knowing that it is okay to love both of you. When you rage to the children about your spouse, this will inhibit the children from expressing their love for the other parent. Put your feelings aside for the best interest of your children. 

You can purchase Steven Peskind's book titled, Divorce in Illinois: The Legal Process, Your Rights and What to Expect on Amazon.com by clicking here.

Monday, April 6, 2015

What types of custody are available in Illinois?

Excerpt taken from Steven N. Peskind's book titled, Divorce in Illinois: The Legal Process, Your Rights and What to Expect.

Under Illinois law, there are two options concerning child custody: either one parent will have sole custody, or the parties will have joint legal custody.

If you have sole custody, you make all of the decisions concerning the welfare of the children. You have no duty to seek input or consent from the other parent. Ordinarily, the children reside with the sole custodian and the noncustodial parent has visitation time on a set schedule.

Each parent has scheduled time with the children regardless of who has custody. Provisions for days of the week, school breaks, summer, holidays, and vacations are typically made in detail. If you and your spouse decide that one of your children will reside with you and another will reside with your spouse, the arrangement is called split physical custody.

With joint legal custody, you and your former spouse make major decisions jointly. Only major decisions need to be decided jointly, not routine day-to-day decisions, which are decided by the parent with whom the children primarily reside. If you and the other parent have joint custody and you have a dispute over a major parenting decision, you must attend mediation to discuss the disagreement. If you can’t work it out in mediation, the judge will then decide the disputed issue.

Under a joint legal custody agreement, the children typically reside with one parent and the other parent has visitation or parenting time with the children. There is some confusion about the term joint custody. Under Illinois law, joint custody does not mean that the children live with parents 50 percent of the time. Joint legal custody only refers to decision making.

An equal time-sharing arrangement is commonly known as shared custody. Judges generally frown upon shared custody because of the belief that the lack of a “home base” destabilizes children. If both parents agree to shared custody, however, most judges will permit the arrangement.

Joint and shared legal custody is often encouraged by mediators, lawyers, and even judges as a way to avoid messy and costly litigation. But sometimes, in high-conflict or oppositional relationships, a joint custody agreement just kicks the can down the road for a few years, when chronic disagreements will require the appointment of a sole custodian. In high-conflict relationships, consider addressing the unpleasant issue of sole versus joint custody head on, at the time of the divorce, rather than putting it off for a later day. 

You can purchase Steven Peskind's book titled, Divorce in Illinois: The Legal Process, Your Rights and What to Expect on Amazon.com by clicking here.